My Beautiful Calamity

You’re a mess

A disastrous tornado of overwhelming feelings and dirty laundry just whirling about creating an erratic dance of shame and old stains

It’s an oddly brilliant to experience to witness, with an unfortunately brilliant smell

I sit on the cold wood floor of a loving home temporarily disguised as a construction site staring up at you while you paint and build things, wiping the sweat off your brow like you’ve been at this for days when really, It’s only been an hour.

I’ve contributed nothing but my presence, I’m constantly reassured that it’s enough.

I can give you only my company and a sore tailbone as payment and you love me for it.

“Your presence is all I need, it makes me work harder so sit back sweet lady and thank you for being you”

Southern colloquialisms always make me blush

This house is a mess

A convoluted stack of mismatched items.

Dirty boxes, tables stacked on each other face to face and a cut out box from the TV to use as “curtains”

It’s disorganized but I know where everything is in the chaos

“Honey, have you seen my...”

I nail that question every time

I can always find you here amongst the chaos and despite the mess and even the loss it brings me calm.

Knowing a mess like you exists brings me calm

Knowing a mess like you loved a mess like me brought me solace

I’m sorry I couldn’t calm your storm

I tried.

But the thing about storms…

Is that no matter how severe they are…

They always pass.

The path of destruction is often paved what we think are good intentions

Only to learn that in the wake of the destruction that we ourselves created the tornado that brought us to the ground

While laying on your back looking up at a discolored dystopian sky swirling with reds and greys, appreciating the brief but beautiful calm that washes over you like slow warm water before you have to get up and find all of your lost pieces

Alone in the discord

The topography is leveled and nothing looks familiar, covered only in the scattered pieces of an almost calm life that once was

A now dystopian landscape that once resembled a house where inside was a calm happy life with card games, hot meals, and the security of everyone being in bed by 10

I thought I was in that house with you but I was actually outside looking in the window in my own version of a destroyed landscape

Which must be why I couldn’t calm your storm before it leveled everything

Now you have to get up from the dirty ground and gather all your pieces, they’re heavy and the backwinds kick up dirt which makes it hard to see

But hopefully…

When the load gets too heavy

And the dust settles

We'll realize our landscape has always been the same and we were just displaced

You’ll look down through those first moments of visibility and see me sitting on my tailbone looking up at you proudly as you gather your odds and ends ready to get up and help carry the weight

"Honey, have you seen my..."

And with love, grit, and sore arms

rebuild that messy home

And with you...

admiring...

My beautiful calamity